Deathly Hallows - spoilers

[lesyeuxverts]

Yup, I've finished the book now, so feel to talk about it with me if you like. I'm still in the incoherent and flaily state (plus my blood sugar is very very low right now), so don't expect anything rational and considered from me, but .... omg.

I thought I was prepared for Snape to die, but I wasn't. I'm so shell-shocked and ouchie and unhappy right now ... I think I'm just ... oh, there are no words. What's the point in writing when there are things that language just can't convey?

Sorry. I'm very emotional about it still, I guess. It felt like Snape's death was a cheap death, an unnecessary one, and I feel like the Harry-filter really failed here - brushing aside all of Harry's reconciliation with Snape, a real emotional understanding of what he's gone through instead of the stilted and rushed Pensieve scene, to end with the token naming of a child, nineteen years later?

After all of Book 6, and the huge role that Snape played there ... I really feel cheated. We hardly got to see him at all, and to have him taken away like this ...

There was a lot to like about the book, and I loved parts of it ... I loved the idea of the Deathly Hallows, I loved the depth of Dumbledore, the redemption of Percy, Hermione's vindication with respect to Kreacher, the scenes with Gringotts and the depths to understanding wizard-goblin relationships, the battle scenes, the importance of the Gray Lady, the Horcruxes, the scene in Umbridge's office, Neville's role at the end ... there was a lot that I enjoyed. I read it straight through, stopping only to retrieve Kleenexes and finish lunch (my ex took over the cooking when he realized that I had to read the book, he's been a sweetie all day) and get water and for bathroom breaks - it was compelling, a really absorbing narrative. JKR has really captivated us all for a reason, I think - I notice the things that bother me, like exclamation marks and people saying things "angrily," but the story really draws us in despite some of (what I perceive as) her flaws as a writer.

So, yeah, there's a lot to love, but there's a lot to mourn, too. So many deaths, and yes - I know that she's said that it was going to be dark, and that a lot of good people were going to die, but so many fucking deaths. Hedwig, Dobby, Creevey - why? I know that death is senseless, that life is sometimes senseless, but fiction is supposed to make sense of the senseless, you know? I never felt a sense of catharsis over their deaths.

I'm so very, very, very torn up over Snape's death. I know I'm harping on it, I know that I'm just echoing myself over and over again like a broken record, but why? After all of his sacrifices, why didn't he deserve some small measure of happiness?

How is a freaking namesake supposed to be compensation for all of his suffering? That is not catharsis.

Why couldn't Snape live, when Harry has finally matured into someone that I can really see paired with him? I love how Harry's grown up ... except for the whole "grown up with Ginny" part. Goodness, there aren't really any words for how much I disliked the epilogue. What an utterly bland and unsatisfying ending ... I mean, yes, okay, Harry's always wanted a family and a white picket fence and a dog, and okay, he deserves all of that. But after the darkness, after the action and horror and gripping emotions of the whole struggle - that's an utter letdown.

My ex is cooking risotto for dinner - like I said, he's been an utter sweetheart today. He's laughed at me for crying over a book he doesn't like or understand, and all, but he's really been great overall, and has totally distracted me from the pain. We went shopping this morning (bookstores and grocery store), and came back to find the book here - he waited patiently while I read it, and then we went around doing the whole touristy thing (Freedom Trail, we stopped at Haymarket too, and bought 10 lbs of strawberries for $1, amazing really how funny that was. He's made me laugh and I really needed that.) and now he's cooking me dinner, and we'll have risotto and too much wine, and cannolis from Mike's for dessert, and watch Anna Karenina, and maybe ... just maybe ... in time I'll be distracted enough, and not so raw from all the pain, and I'll be able to write again. But trust me, I am going to be writing AU and non-DH compliant fics for a long time.